At Sussan, self-care starts with sleep, which is why we are engaging women in our community to share stories about their own relationship with sleep —from the rituals that help them unwind at night to the routines that boost their mornings.

Nikki Parkinson the founder of Styling You is on a mission to empower busy women to conquer their day with confidence, but this content creator and bedtime enthusiast is equally dedicated to finding solace in the comfort of home. We sat down with Nikki to discuss all things style, self-care, and the importance of a good night’s sleep.

Breaking free from burden: An expert’s guide to prioritising your well-being and reclaiming festive fulfilment.

It might be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many women, it’s also the most stressful.

From juggling end-of-year school commitments with work deadlines to orchestrating the perfect Christmas experience, the holiday season can often feel like an overwhelming burden. The external stress from societal pressures and expectations placed on women to be the best hosts, deliver a flawless Christmas, or simply maintain a facade of having it all together can take a toll.

The emotional labour involved in selecting and wrapping gifts, hosting family gatherings, preparing elaborate meals, and ensuring everyone’s happiness often overshadows our own needs, leaving little room to truly savour the season. In the midst of these responsibilities, we often forget ourselves. As a brand created by women for women, we’re on a mission this month to remind you how to rekindle the spirit of celebration and embrace the holidays with genuine joy and fulfilment — to make the season yours.

To offer insights and guidance on managing holiday stress, establishing boundaries, and finding balance, we’ve consulted with renowned relationship psychologist Carly Dober from Enriching Lives Psychology. Here, she shares practical advice on self-care, communication and fostering collaboration within families.

How can we gain a deeper understanding of the emotional and mental burden often shouldered by women during the festive season?

Preparing, planning, and meticulously organising every celebration aspect is undeniably hard work. Historically, these responsibilities were seen as ‘women’s work,’ leading to the widespread assumption that women would bear the full weight of these tasks. Although cultural norms have evolved somewhat, the disproportionate burden still falls on women in many households. Australian women, in particular, frequently juggle multiple responsibilities – from working to raising children and managing a single or joint household and the holiday season compounds their daily workload. There is an underlying assumption that they are not only capable of handling it all but that they are expected to get it all done, as this has been the tradition for many years. Tasks such as meal preparation, finding recipes everyone will enjoy, picking up gifts, placing online orders online, coordinating family members and organising dates and times all contribute to the significant administrative workload at Christmas.

Do you have a routine that helps you unwind? What is a nighttime ritual that allows you to switch off?

The wind-down ritual is so important to me. It starts by getting into (comfortable) sleepwear as soon as dinner is done and dusted. I’ll watch TV or look at my phone — I’m only human! About 45 minutes out from bedtime, I’ll cleanse my face, brush my teeth and head to bed to read. Even if I only get five minutes of reading in, it’s enough to switch off my brain for sleep.

What are you currently reading, watching, or listening to before bed?

I’m reading Kylie Ladd’s new novel, I’ll Leave You With This. I’m a part of an online book club, and it’s this month’s pick.

Do you use any tricks to help you nod off?

I need a cool room (hello, menopause), so up until recently, this meant cranking the aircon to fridge-like conditions. I don’t generally have trouble falling asleep as long as

I’ve quieted my mind with reading.

What was your favourite bedtime story as a child?

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak (not a very calming and comforting book in hindsight!)

What’s a bad sleep habit you would like to change?

My worst sleep habit — or one that disrupts my ritual — is getting stuck in the groove of a TV show and clicking “next episode” instead of heading to bed at my usual time.

THE WAKE-UP

Do you hit snooze or bounce out of bed?

Neither. When the alarm goes off during the week, I’m up on autopilot, knowing that if I paused to think about it, I’d stay in bed.

If you could wake up to one song every morning, what would it be?

My alarm is actually bird sounds, and that’s a pretty slow and soothing way to wake up.

What’s on your bedside table?

My Kindle, a candle, lip balm, moisturiser, crystals and a phone/watch charger.

What is your favourite breakfast to boost your morning?

Coffee, of course, but then a protein smoothie with banana, chocolate protein powder, collagen, nut butter and cinnamon.

What’s your 5-9 routine?

I move my body in some way every weekday morning (weekends are ideally a bit slower). It may be a walk with a girlfriend or an at-home yoga or pilates class.

When buying sleepwear, what colours do you find most calming and comforting?

I prefer calming, muted colours and prints that help slow down the mind ahead of sleeping — or even for relaxing at home.

How can women ensure they care for themselves while attending to others’ happiness during this season?

I think it’s important to take stock and reflect on what you enjoy doing at Christmas time and what tasks can be delegated or shared amongst other people in the household or extended family. Some people and partners objectively have no idea how much time and energy goes into this season, so sitting down, having a conversation and writing down tasks can be eye-opening. I also encourage assertive communication, in which a month before planning starts, you say to others, ‘ I will need help with this year’s celebrations; what are some tasks you can do to contribute?’.

What are the emotional and psychological effects of bearing this additional holiday burden, and how does it impact women’s overall well-being?

The emotional and psychological effects of the holiday burden are significant. Emotionally, women can feel stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful, angry, and like they are taken for granted. Psychologically, the impacts can mean sleep and concentration are impacted, it can trigger existing or new mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, and burnout can often occur- leaving women unable to enjoy this period as much as others in their households.

Are there specific self-care practices or mental health tips to help women prioritise their well-being amidst the holiday chaos?

Self-care is critical to getting through this period! Ensure you’re prioritising regular sleep, movement, time with friends and a flexible mindset about the ‘perfect Christmas’ not existing. Delegate what can be delegated and remind yourself why you and your loved ones enjoy this period. It’s likely about quality time together and good conversations. Use this to guide where you put your time and energy.

How can women reclaim the holiday season for themselves, allowing it to be a time of joy and fulfilment rather than overwhelming obligations?

Do away with doing things just because they ‘should’ be done, and move towards things that will bring you genuine joy. Make time to see your friends and have new experiences and know that Christmas does not have to look the same for everyone. Every year, you can experiment and make this something truly enjoyable and (almost) painless.

In the spirit of collaboration and shared responsibility, how can couples or families work together to reduce the mental load and create a more balanced holiday season?

Even the planning phase is still informally assigned to women. Encouraging ideas from other family members so the planning still doesn’t fall disproportionately on women is important.

What are some practical ways to set boundaries and establish realistic expectations to achieve a more meaningful and enjoyable holiday experience?

Understanding your family values is vital to understanding what boundaries you can establish. If you think about your favourite Christmas that you and your family have spent together that made them enjoyable and memorable? Was it a fun day at the beach together? Was it talking and laughing all afternoon? Was it volunteering over the Christmas period

and sharing a new experience?

Once you understand what values you and your family hold, you can think about establishing time boundaries. For example, how much time would you like to spend on the road this year versus how much quality time you would like to spend with people? How much time would you like to spend at work over this period versus relaxing and resting?

With money, how much money do you have in your budget this year? How much would you like to spend on experiences that can be shared and enjoyed together, making memories?

When your boundaries are firm and communicated and understood by others, you’ll be able to hold yourself and others accountable, and they’ll be able to do the same.

How should we effectively communicate our needs and boundaries with family members to create a more balanced and enjoyable holiday experience?

Start these conversations early, and be honest. Use ‘I’ statements, focusing on the impact and the feelings so people understand where you’re coming from. Something like, “In previous years, I’ve noticed I felt so rundown. I’ve been running around after work or looking after the kids, and I felt like I’ve had no time to stop and enjoy Christmas, and then, by the time it has passed, I’m so exhausted while everyone else seems to be having a good time. I’d like a lot more help this year because it could help us all have a great time together, and it would be a huge help to me.’

If we see a friend or family member struggling under the pressure of the season or having a stressful time in general, how can we approach them and support them?

Offer to talk to them on the phone, go for a walk, or have a coffee together. The Christmas period can be so frantic, and we can quickly fall into mindless habits out of obligation and a sense of guilt. Be open and honest with your friends, share if and when you have been worried about them in this way before and also note what you’re observing in them. Remind them that no Christmas can ever be ‘perfect’, and if some things don’t go how they wanted, another Christmas will come around.

Ask them what they would do if they could design their own Christmas and offer them practical support if they are struggling. Encourage them to delegate and communicate to members of the household and extended families to share the load.

About Carly Dober

Carly is a psychologist with a particular interest in the issues that affect the mental health and emotional wellbeing of women. She is a Director at the Australian Association of Psychologists Incorporated (AAPi).